Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
