but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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