Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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