I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wish there were birth control emojis
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drake has all the answers
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