My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
