East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
