No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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