I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
