I need help removing her.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
