i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
