I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
