you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
