I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
