we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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