Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
