cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
