I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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