Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
