I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
