I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They are going to name an STD after you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
