Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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