Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
