this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
