You just made me feel so damn special
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
