I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
