I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
