my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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