Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
