Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
