Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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