$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
