There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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