I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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