Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
