she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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