this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
