The best revenge is premature balding
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
