I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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