I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
