sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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