the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
