Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
