Do you still have your period?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
