Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
