you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
