Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
