can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
