Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
