3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
