I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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