cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
