just tell him i said nine months
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
